i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
