Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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