Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Randomize
