Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
