My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
