i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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