the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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