she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You need a sexual gate keeper
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
