I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
