1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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