You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
