I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
