you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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