haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
