he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
