Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
