really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
