Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
