my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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