So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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