I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sponge bath it is.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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