Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
