you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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