He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
