Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
