So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
