Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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