Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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