if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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