What tipped you off? The sombrero?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
