Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
