It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
