theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
