Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
