I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
