So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
