It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
