we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
