I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
