Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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