so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
