Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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