I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
