If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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