If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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