I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
