Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
