Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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