someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
