he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
