remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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