what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
