i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We need to rekindle our bromance
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
