he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
