We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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