Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
