Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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