You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
