So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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