I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
