You just made me feel so damn special
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
