Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
