Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
