There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
