I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
