you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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