Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
