Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
