Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
