I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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