Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
