just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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