yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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