I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
