How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
