I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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