whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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