Don't you send me to vm
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
