Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
