I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
